Stavros the fisherman and the Nasty Greedy Bankerman

This blog is inspired by the following. Once you've read mine, go check Webeneezers out.

http://webeneezerscrooge.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/the-matrix-meets-greece-2-stock-market-update/

Meet Stavros....

Stavros is a Greek Fisherman. He is sad.
He is sad because the restaurants won't buy his fish.

They won't buy the fish, because they don't have any customers. They don't have any customers because Greece doesn't have any tourists.

So what happened to the tourists?

Once upon a time everything was good. People were good, jobs were good, it was all good. Everyone was happy.

Then one day a rich millionaire bank owner said,
"You know we are all making loads-of-money... well lets make even more loads of money!"

"How can we make even more loads of money?", said the other rich millionaire bankers.
"Well," said the first "We have banks for the little people for safe keeping, and we have banks for the big people for the casino. We dont make much on the safekeeping, but we make loads-of-money at the casino! Why don't we take the little peoples money and spend that on the casino! Then we can make LOADS-of-money!"

"Great idea!" said the other rich bank owners, all except for one. This rich bank owner didnt have any big people money, just little people money. He couldn't make all the loads-of-money. "But I dont have any big people money and I dont want to risk the little peoples money on the casino. It's naughty and we will get told off"

"So what!" the others said as they went outside and had a party.
Now the banks made loads-of-money with the little peoples money, and things were great, the people were great, and the jobs were great.

But the banks all wanted to make EVEN MORE loads-of-money so, because they had made so much money already they offered the little people even cheaper loans so they could take the little peoples money and make even more loads-of-money.


But the rich banker millionaire with only little people money said "Hey, if I don't win on the casino then the little people will lose their money and then everyone will know what we have done with the little peoples money"

"So what!" the others said as they went outside and had a party.

Then one day, the rich banker billionaire with only little people money lost.

"NOOOO!", The others said "Now we will all get found out! If we buy the little peoples debts then no one will know!", so they bought the little peoples debts.

The trouble was that he wasn't the only rich banker millionaire that had been losing. They all had been losing, and now the only ones left were the really really rich banker millionaires, and they had all the little peoples debts.


And then one day the little people found out, and they were so worried that they went to the banks and asked for their keepsake money back.

The rich banker millionaires didn't have enough, so they asked the government for money. And the government provided it through taxing the little people.

The end...

Except it wasn't the end. Thousands of "little" people lost their jobs, and then their houses. And they couldn't go on holiday anymore to Greece.

You see the little people wanted a home of their own. So they went to the bank. They're Great!

And the bank said just fill in the "we want to borrow lots of money" form, but don't put in the real figure of your income because you won't get a mortgage.

So they did, and they got the mortgage, and then the banks went bust, and then the people lost their houses, and then people stopped going on holiday to Greece, and they stopped going into restaurants, and finally the restaurants stopped buying fish from Stavros.

So the President of Greece said we dont have any tax money. But we have to pay for the police and the hospitals. Lets talk to a big bank. Lets talk to Goldman Sachs. They're great!

Goldman Sachs told them to fill in the "we want to borrow money" form, but don't put your real income down, because you wont get it.

So they did, and they got the loans, but still nobody came to restaurants to buy the fish, and Stavros got poorer and poorer.

Until one day Greece said "if you dont help us, we will be bankrupt" and everyone went NOOOOO! Because if a country like Greece goes bankrupt then a country like Spain can go bankrupt and then the UK and then the US!!!

Then the whole world will be bankrupt. All except the rich banker millionaire who has all the money in the world.

So Stavros got angry and he went to Athens and told Greece.

"Why have you done this", and Greece said

"Because the banker told me." And Stavros said,

"But he told everyone else bad advice too".

And Greece said "I know, he is a Nasty Greedy Banker Man!"

And Stavros was very angry, but he could do nothing because the rich banker millionaire with all the money in the world is very rich and very powerful and owns everything.

So Stavros marched on the banker building to complain, and on his way he was joined by Carlos from Spain, Miguel from Portugal and Paddy from Ireland, and then more people joined, and more still until everyone went to the door of the Nasty Greedy Banker Man to complain.

And the Nasty Greedy Banker Man was scared. As he should have been because he was too greedy and people are hungry.

So he decided to give all the loads-of-money to all the people waiting outside his door. He shared it equally and promised never to be so greedy again.

Stavros is happy now.

The End.

(Can you tell it's a fairytale?)

There have been some very serious politicians, and there have been some not so serious politicians.

Inspired by the disappointing defeat of number one on my list, here is a list of a few of my favourites in no particular order. If you have any to add, let me know and I will add them to the list.

1. Lembit Opik

Elected in 1997 for Montgomeryshire, he held on to his seat til just yesterday. Only to turn up today laughing at himself on comedy news-quiz show Have I Got News For You.

He has appeared on Who wants to be a millionaire and The Apprentice for charity. He was romantically attached to Gabriela Irimia, one of the cheeky girls. In the national expenses scandal he was noticeably admonished for a variety of indiscrepancies one of which was claiming a £40 summons for non-payment of Council Tax.

Best Quotes;

"It does sound like a science fiction story and I may sound like one of these guys who walks up and down with a sandwich board saying the end of the world is nigh, but the end is nigh..."

"It's like giving a convicted man on trial the verdict and then saying 'are you happy with that?' "

2. Boris Johnson

Ex MP for Henley-On-Thames, ex-editor of The Spectator and Bullington Boy Boris is the current Mayor of London, and our host for the 2012 Olympics (God help us).

In 2003 Boris wrote in his Telegraph column that had stolen a cigar case from Tariq Aziz, a known associate of Saddam Hussain, who was in prison. Boris wrote that Aziz could have it back if he just asks.

He is often on TV appearing on shows as diverse as Top Gear to Eastenders. He has said that Liverpudlian were wallowing in victimhood, Papua New Guinea was an orgy of cannibalism and chief killing, and that Portsmouth was "one of the most depressed towns in Southern England.

Johnson rides his bike to work despite having his bike stolen several times. He has said he would like to plant decoy bikes around the city with nearby navy seals ready to catch the thieves.

Best Quotes;

"Try as I might, I could not look at an overhead projection of a growth profit matrix, and stay conscious."

"Ok, I said to myself as I sighted the bird down the end of the gun. This time, my fine feathered friend, there is no escape."

"No one obeys the speed limit except a motorised rickshaw"

3. George W. Bush

The 43rd President of the United States left office in 2009. Having taken the US into a "War on Terrorism", he later ordered an invasion of Afghanistan and two years later Iraq.

Despite his declaring a state of emergency two days before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, both the Department of Homeland Security and FEMA failed to act in time. It took Bush 4 days before he authorised troops to enter the city and help.

Best quotes; (Literally there are hundreds of fun quotes for him)

"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."

"The thing that's wrong with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur."

"Most imports are from outside of the country"

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

4. Baghdad Bob/Comical Ali

Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf, later dubbed Baghdad Bob by the american newspapers and Comical Ali by the british press was known for his daily briefings during the Iraq War.

Whilst American tanks were patrolling the streets just a few hundred meters away, Al-Sahhaf told the world press there were no americans in Baghdad.

Best Quotes;

"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp"

"What they say about a breakthrough is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places . . . they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them."

"Everything is just fine."

5. Bob Dole

Bob Dole ran for election as President in 1996 against Bill Clinton, but despite failing he still holds he record for the longest-serving United States Senate Majority Leader.

Since his retirement he has become a commercial spokesman for Dunkin' Donuts, Pepsi-Cola (with Britney Spears) and Viagra, as well as doing The Daily Show, and sitcom Suddenly Susan.

Best Quotes;

"Our intent will not be to create gridlock. Oh, except maybe from time to time."

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."

"If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay"

6. Sarah Palin

In Sarah Palin's first term of office as Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska she famously kept a jar with the names of Wasilla residents on her desk. Once a week, she pulled a name from it and picked up the phone; she would ask: "How's the city doing?"

When Republican presidential hopeful John McCain plucked her into the american limelight in the 2009 election, no-one knew who this young brash Alaskan was, but just a couple of nationwide interviews later, including the famous "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?", and the whole world was aware that the republicans had a new kid on the block.

Best Quotes;

"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan."

"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't."

"Nucular"

7. Winston Churchill

Prime Minister during World War II, great orator and leader, Winston Churchill was also a fabulous wit. His many conversations with Lady Astor, the first woman MP in the House of Commons.

In a classic encounter between the two of them Lady Astor announced "You sir, are drunk!", to which he replied

"You madam are ugly, but in the morning I will be sober."

Best Quotes;

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

"Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed."

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

"The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it."

8. Silvio Berlusconi

The current Italian Prime Minister has held the role 3 times. He has an extensive record of criminal allegations, including mafia collusion, false accounting, tax fraud, corruption and bribery of police officers and judges, but as yet has not been convicted for any of them. Following the G8 conference in 2008 he said, "I'm the universal record-holder for the number of trials in the entire history of man – and also of other creatures who live on other planets."

In 2002, Berlusconi, made a vulgar gesture behind the head of the Spanish foreign minister, intimating he was a cuckold during an official photo shoot.

In 2005, said they should have the European Food Safety Authority in Italy rather than Finland because "the finnish didn't know what prosciutto is." And later that year when trying to justify American investment in Italy he said "we have the most beautiful secretaries in the world".

In 2006 he refuted that he had said Communists used to eat children, by saying, "they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields".

Best Quotes;

"If I, taking care of everyone's interests, also take care of my own, you can't talk about a conflict of interest."

"I'm not a traditional politician, and I have a sense of humor. I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to."