The Meerkats of Minehead

Now I'm not going to tell you which Myspacer I went to Tropiquaria with today, but I am going to tell you she was a big girls blouse.

Tropiquaria is a little hands-on zoo near Minehead, and its great fun.

They pride themselves on letting people get very close to the animals, and giving them a personal experience. As an example you can get very close to the ring tailed lemurs, in fact so close, that one of the babies can escape and look at you from the outside (Dont worry, this is normal. His name is Jasper, and he never goes far from mum), he was leaping by my ears with his little bit of apple held tightly in his tiny claw.

When I turned around, however, to tell my friend about it, she had gone about 30 feet away, running for her life.

Much the same thing happened when we passed the Lizard cage that was open. She was dust. The Lizard, Michael, however was not so scared, and let me stroke him a little before going back to his basking... The keeper told me he loves it. How the hell would she know? Its a Lizard! It just sits there. It sat there before I stroked it, it sat there after I stroked it... its a lizard... how on earth is it suppose to express happiness? Throw a party!

Then another keeper brought a boa constrictor round, but would he let me stroke it! Not a chance... the kids were fine, but me... not a hope in hell. Tell me again why the adult price is more expensive than the kiddie price! What the hell is that about?

Then George came out. He was gorgeous. A tortoise about 4 ft long when he stretches. He loves bright colours and loves peoples bright shoes... And wouldnt you believe it, yes she had bright shoes and poor old Gerald went a running... now we have to be talking a good 1mph, but still it was enough for her to freeze solid. Lol.

Still she did overcome her fear, and give George a little stroke..... eventually. Tortoises have cool feet... I like em. They have tropical birds pooing overhead, just flying about. George's keeper told me one of them ate one of the tropial fish that swim in the canal around the inside of the building. It can only happen near the waterfall area, but what do you expect!

All in all, the place is fantastic, albeit quite small. If you get the chance to support this little zoo, do it. Its surprisingly good fun, and is very real.

As for my friend... well, maybe next time we have a day out, we should find a nice beach with a tea room nearby.

The Peculiar Episode of the Male Member

Did you know, there is only one muscle on the male body that is joined on one side only. I'll tell you which one a little later, but first I wanted to remind you of my first ever blog, which was all about my disgust at people urinating in the streets. Have they never been taught to go before they leave... I mean come on... how old are they!!

Anyhow, I was picking up a young lad from Wareham station on Friday. I should have guessed things would be a little different, as although it was only 4 in the afternoon, he asked me to pick him at the pub. He had turned up early and obviously found his place with a pint and a game of pool.

Our journey was lively as his happy mood was contageous, and we blasted Guns and Roses loudly as we could scaring crows and rabbits asunder. All of a sudden with a pained ailing expression, he turns the music off and croaks "Stop the Car!"

Now as a cabbie, when someone says "Stop the Car", you stop the car! Very very quickly, else you get a car full of his breakfast. I stopped the car.

He got out... Quickly.

He ran to a bush, and to my utter shock, unzipped his fly and began to pee.

For a second things went into slow-mo, the birds twittered, the wind breezed, the trees waved. And then I spotted the Farmer... and then I spotted the shot gun... and then I spotted the young lad running!

Thank god my engine turned on first time. Thank god I found a gear change quickly. Thank god I was wearing good pants!

Just for a tiny second I imagined leaving him there to face his maker, but whilst I hate peeing in the streets, I'm not sure its a shooting offense.

Once again, one of my 9 lives has been wasted on trivial things. I can just see St Peter at the gates of Heaven saying... You have got to be kidding... you were supposed to last til 90!

Anyhow. I am now starting a campaign to stop people Urinating in Public... What do we want... a piss..... where do we want it.... in a toilet!

I hope you will all support me on this and maybe give me a donation to go towards my world wide investigation into the subject.

Oh and by the way, the answer to my question at the begining was his tongue... you filthy people!