Bionic Eyes

I hope you all caught the recent story about Bionic Eyes.

I am very pleased about this new advance in technology and can personally see many benefits, not just to the blind, who might find it useful too.

The electrodes stimulate the retinal nerves allowing a signal to be passed along the optic nerve to the brain, which perceives patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to the electrodes that are stimulated.

Obviously this is still in it's early stages, but I am quite looking forward to having my bionic eyes implanted. I would like to have a stick akin to Terry Wogan's wand in the 70's TV show Blankety Blank. I suspect having a bionic eye on a stick will have real advantages, such as finding your keys when they drop down a drain, or checking the top of the cabinet for hidden items such as the remote control. As a short person this second use would be of particular value.

Also small children can play with their removable eyes on sticks, checking for kidnappers when playing SWAT Team and Terrorist!

Imagine the joy of women throughout the world being finally at long last being able to examine how their bottoms look without the use of mirrors.

Also being to check up on your nanny would be much easier. Just leave your eye on the mantlepiece and watch remotely.

I love the potential of this hugely exciting project, and cannot wait to purchase half a dozen eyes, for me and a few of my closer friends.

I also look forward to other fascinating ideas coming from the same camp of scientists, such as bionic bottoms for easy bowel movements. Bowel Cancer will be a thing of the past! Bionic fingernails that make the scratching noise without the use of a blackboard, and bionic ears that can hear whale-call from over 600 miles!