Prickle Rash

My beautiful fiance told me I was not allowed to kiss her as I would give her ’Prickle Rash’.....

Now i’m not sure what prickle rash is, but it sounds like fun. She didnt think so however and kicked me off the couch until I shaved.

I hate shaving, it stings and it feels unpleasantly like your skin has been flattened by an iron. Its very hard to get even, I spend ages trying to get every last bit of stubble, but it hides for ages until you start getting amorous. You touch your chin, a last check before you make your move, and blow me if underneath your chin your havent got a hedgehog!

I’m not keen on aftershave either, which burns even though its cold. I don’t get what girls like in aftershave. I had an ex who went barmy for ’Polo’, I could have sworn it was made from horse dung, but all i had to do was put the damn stuff on and she was putty. When she left me for a jockey, i wasnt surprised.

I love my girl though, and for her I would do almost anything, but I wondered if this was a major issue with women. I know that it can be cool to be stubbly. George Michael and Don Johnson in the eighties, Bruce Willis in the nineties, and now an increase in pop star goaties and celebrity small beards in the last 10 years suggests that facial hair is bigger than ever. Thats not to mention the hip shaggy styles from our friends in the mountains of afghanistan!

Having said that fashion makes big mistakes, like shoulder pads, blockerboots and leg warmers (apologies to all those that have recently bought leg warmers as they are apparently back in)

I saw a teenager the other day, who was struggling with her really high high-heals. She was crouching for balance, which made her arse stick out like a waddling duck. I just knew that later on she would jump into my cab, and take her shoes off in agony, I’d have to descretely open a window cos tights dont smell as good at the end of the night as they do at the start.

She wore a teeny tiny skirt and a huge puffer jacket and reminded me of the michelin man on stilts. No! She looked like one of those office toy flamingoes that swing back and forth until the beak dips into the water when it straightens up.

Her friend was wearing a muddy set of puffy boots, that looked a little like they did when they belonged to whichever animal made them. Im sure i got a pair of slippers that looked just like them a couple of years back. Mine had claws on the end though. Cool!

Blokes are no better though. Why do they bother to wear jeans at all. Just go out in your damn underpants, we can see your saggy arse anyway!

I’m just saying fashion has had its bad days. So I am asking the Question?

What is it you do or dont like about mens facial hair?

For me I have always liked the fact that i can scratch the back of my hand whilst driving, and they way my little girl rubs her tiny hands against it.

So comments please.