What is it about girlfriends, (Crisps in bed)

The lady I intend to marry is possibly the most adorable person on the planet and I am totally besotted by her. She has a smile to die for, she makes me laugh at the most unexpected times. She brightens up any room she enters. She is sweet and ladylike at all times. My mum loves her. My friends think she's great, and I cant wait til the next time I get to see her.

And yet...

Despite my complete adoration for her...

She still finds it funny when I suffer!!!



Tonight, she crumbled a packet of Doritoes in my bed. An entire packet of cheesy doritoes!  You wouldn't think she could hurt a fly and yet she takes great delight in making my life miserable.

So I get to my bedroom and get ready for bed. Turn on the TV and turn out the light. Watch TV for a bit, whilst lying on top of the duvet. Then slip into the bed! I didnt know they were in there, I didnt know they would be crumbled if I lay ON the bed. I didnt know that they could end up where they did!



Naturally, They are no longer edible! I have just spent the last half hour, changing the sheets, hoovering the bedroom, and having a shower.

My message to her (which I cant deny was a little retributional) was returned with the simple comment "BRING IT ON!!!!"

Where is the sympathy? Where is the compassion?



AND No, this is not the first time I have suffered from such consternation. Salt in my coffee, pepper in my underwear, scareing me senseless when im watching a horror movie. Nor the first girl!

I had a foreign tv that had a european style two pin plug. The plugs pins weren't straight though, so in my stupidity i held both pins together to push them into the adapter, which was already in the wall.

The shock that surged through my body shot me across the room, my hair frizzled, and if you looked carefully you would have seen smoke coming out of my ears.



And what did my ex do? She could have rushed over to see if I was alright. She could have got me a pillow and told me to stay where I was for a minute. She could even have called an ambulance!!!

She could have done any of these things, but she was too busy eating the carpet with laughter.



I was not amused.

And I'm not amused now.

This is a warning. At some time in the near future I will seek my revenge. It may be sending your mum a vibrator in the post, or cling film on your toilet seat but it will be sweet!



I'm still itchy!!!!!