Generation Chasm

The other day my parents asked me for a little help. They are not very computer lierate, and doing the simplest things like opening an attachment seems to be beyond them. I would teach them properly but like all people who really wish they didnt HAVE to learn these things, they got impatient and just wanted to get on and do their thing.

Anyhow, whilst playing around with their post I noticed my father had sent an email to ebay. They recently bought an item online, and my father replied to their payment confirmation letter with a thank you for your prompt response note. Let me re-itterate that, My Father sent a thank you note, to e-bay automatic response website address.

It occurs to me that the generation gap is more of a chasm, and its getting wider.

My Father just believes that when someone is polite enough to tell him something is all taken care of, he should have the decency to say thank you. Its a simple and obvious mistake, and its also the explanation for why my mother has a nightmare everytime she turns MSN on. Within minutes she has a plethora of friends saying hello, and despite me telling her over and over again to ignore them, that the etiquette of IM-ing is different to seeing your friends in the street say, she still insists on writing over and over again... "Hello, I cant talk, Im late for an appointment", before turning the computer off in disgust.

When I think about it though, I realise that my frustration at their dogmatic approach to procedure is just as bad as my reluctance to wear my trousers down by my bottom, listen to hip hop and use txt spk.

To me, there is nothing so distressing than seeing the language I know and love being corrupted by lazy kids that cant be bothered to learn how to spell. To me they are the same kids that go 'happy slapping', that paint our streets with grafitti, and throw rubbish without care into our streets.

I know it makes me sound like a grumpy old man saying these things (and lumping kids together as "the youth of today"), but I just cant help it. I find them all so annoying. After all, what is it about kids that forces them to draw a giant penis whenever they see an empty wall. Do they really think its never been done before? Is it really a statement from a disassociated youth against a tyrannical society? Or is it more to do with a fascination with sex and a desire to look hard to their peers (is that not slightly homoerotic too? drawing penises on walls infront of your male friends?)

Im not saying kids didnt draw grafitti when I was younger, but even the "Wot No..."  cartoons which you saw everywhere in the 80's occasionally got hi-jacked by a political cause... Wot No Jobs, Wot No Bombs... What political message can you subvert the penis drawing to mean? Rights for Fathers perhaps... or Lewinski for president?

What is it about our society that makes our younger kids so careful about the environment, telling us off when we dont recycle, and makes our teenagers so carefree and dirty throwing wrappers on the floor even though they are next to a bin. What do we do to them to change them so dramatically? Did we as young boys and girls really spend so little effort trying to get along with the society we live in.

And how did we ever allow 'happy slapping' to permeate through our streets. In case you dont know what happy slapping is, it is the trend of filming your frined slapping a random stranger on the street, and posting it on the internet. Why have we become so scared that we turn away from a happy slapping incident now, rather than confronting the youngsters. When I was a kid I used to get confronted just for swearing! Now as a kid you can physically abuse someone and nobody bats an eyelid!

Instead of facing up to these problems we turn away, we hide in our 3 bedroom homes, with its security cameras and door alarms, we watch 'crimewatch' and 'cops' and phone in to our local radio programmes about knife crime. We complain from on high, declaring someone ought to do something about this, but it cant be us, because they are minors and will probably cry rape if we go near them. After all, in our society, there is nothing so feared, so loathed, so hated as a paedophile.

In the end though, how do we ever expect to teach our children how to behave, how do we ever expect to show them the difference between right and wrong, how can we ensure the next generation will continue in our footsteps to strive for a caring society when we have not shown them how to interact with the world we have created, and when we are too frightened to leave our own doors.

If we are running scared from children, is it not surprising they feel disassociated?

The leap is too large for me. Stuck in my ways, too old to change. A million different ways to say "I dont want to", but just as I get frustrated at my father refusing to use a mobile phone, so I have to bite the bullet and accept things as they are and not as they once were.

With that in mind, I have decided to take the bull by the horns and face up to my own personal pet hates head on. Im off towalk the streets with my trousers belted around my arse whilst listening to Snoopy Doggs on my iPoddy thing.

L8rs !

A week to remember

Well, its been another awful week. This year is definitely having its ups and downs... but I am writing this to prove a point... About being positive... partly for you but mostly for me... Anyhow..

Firstly, as you know my cab which is the focus of much amusement has been poorly. I bought the thing for £4000 March last year, and it has served me well, but there was a grinding noise that came from under the bonnet (hood) and so the doctor was called in.

At first i was informed it was the fly wheel, now i havent a clue what a fly wheel is, but im guessing my car needs one, and my friend the mechanic told me you dont replace a fly wheel without replacing a clutch.. he suggested the price would be around £1000. I dont have £1000 lying around, so it took alot of begging to scrape up the money. One of the conditions to the begging though, was to go to the Vauxhall dealer.

They're pretty good over there, so I wasnt too bothered, and when they rang me with the news that both my timing chains had gone and needed to be replaced for the sum of £750, i was relieved. They informed me that i needed a new starter motor as well at the price of £125... both handlable!

The very next day however, they told me that the fly wheel and clutch both needed to be replaced as well! After a serious amount of negotiations and apologies from the garage my final price was £1625. Shit!

So more begging. And they have had my car for 4 days so far. Thats 4 days of not working, not that those days are busy days, but... and when they finally give it back to me, they have done something to my taxi meter. I now have to drive 25 miles tomorrow morning (missing work tonight) to get it fixed!

Next my father who I love desperately, had a fall. He's had a heart attack before and I was very worried about him. The doc says it might be a mini stroke following the insertion of his pacemaker... Mum is pulling her hair out, and i'm not surprised... They fight like cats and dogs most of the time, but when you see them so fragile, thats when the real love comes through. Those tender moments, touching hands and sitting with each other in the dark.

Anyhow, on Monday morning at about 7am, she called me panicing about dad... I went over straight away, even though i had spent the night chatting to a couple of friends online. As we waited for the doc to turn up, I sat through my mum having what could only be described as a mini breakdown, at first she was ranting about how she couldnt handle looking after him, but it ended up with her crying on me because just the thought of him hurting was crushing her.

The doc didnt turn up til 1 and then mum was out the door for some tablets. She looked awful but not as bad as she did on tuesday. 36 hrs of not sleeping can do that, she was also starting to develop a fever. I stayed with them both, and mum got a little sleep.

Wednesday as I was getting the £750 news, mum looked terrible and dad was still dizzy on his feet. They booked the docs again for the next day.... Today.

So I turn up around 1pm... Sorry to Amanda, I left MSN on last night by mistake, when i woke up my head was on the laptop... For the first hour i had keyboard marks on my face, and the second hour was spent trying to dry the whole thing out from the dribble.

Dad had gone to the doctors in the morning, and was told about the possibility of the mini stroke, and how more tests were needed. Mum however was due to go to the hospital for some erm tests... She was carefully instructed by the NHS to drink 2.5 pints of water and not to visit the bathroom for 8 hrs before she turned up. Well, my mum is a little anal about this sort of stuff and drank tea with abandon last night and this morning, she also didn't visit the bathroom for a good 20 hrs when it was time for her to go.

She gave me absolutely loads of instructions which basically consisted of dont let dad do anything, but if he wants to move about and do things then let him.... my mum has her confusing moments... especially when she is tired and rough. She finally dashed out the door... im guessing with something that has wings between her legs...lol

Anyhow dad and i sit and chat for a bit, and 45 mins later mum is back. she throws me the keys and tells me to park the car, then she runs in to see dad sat on the couch watching cookery programmes.

She then tells us, how with all the drinking, and the not going to the loo, and the fact she hates public toilets (has a real phobia of them), she went to the nurse, who told her the appointment wasnt til tomorrow!

My dad and I burst into laughter.

Then she began to laugh.

Ever laughed hard when you want the loo?

My mum ran as fast as she could!!!

My mum has little legs.

We laughed even harder.

So with that in mind, and what a crap week its been, I am pleased that I had a moment to focus on something genuinely funny.

I really hope you all have a good day today, and know that no matter how down things can get, life will always throw something funny from left field to make you smile.

My Day (one at a time)

Today was better than I imagined it would be.

I had an all day job to London, and we got lost on the way home. My passenger, a young lad from a private school was a really good laugh and totally cool about it. For some reason I couldnt get past Farnborough, Reading and Guildford... I'm calling it the guildford triangle, as there is nothing there, but you cant get out.

My phone has been ringing all evening. Calls about jobs, calls about gossip, calls about junk. It's been nice to have other things to focus on. As so many of you have said to me, it just takes time. Thanks by the way for being so patient, you guys have been a godsend.

Yesterday was my fathers birthday, he is now 74, bless him. He had a pace maker put in last week, and mum was really worried until my friend Lynne told us pacemakers are as good as the energiser bunny. He'll go on for years now apparently. But when we went for the pre-op and they told us all about it, mum had to ask how sensitive they are. You aren't supposed to bang them see, but when dad snores, mum hits him til he stops! The doc said to hit him on the leg next time. lol.

It was strange not having her next to me as we played quiz board games, but she never liked them much anyway.

Thats me done for the day. The grief has kicked in for sure now, but I wont give in to it. We all make choices about how we feel. I so im gonna feel ok from now on. And one day soon, I wont have to try.

Prickle Rash

My beautiful fiance told me I was not allowed to kiss her as I would give her ’Prickle Rash’.....

Now i’m not sure what prickle rash is, but it sounds like fun. She didnt think so however and kicked me off the couch until I shaved.

I hate shaving, it stings and it feels unpleasantly like your skin has been flattened by an iron. Its very hard to get even, I spend ages trying to get every last bit of stubble, but it hides for ages until you start getting amorous. You touch your chin, a last check before you make your move, and blow me if underneath your chin your havent got a hedgehog!

I’m not keen on aftershave either, which burns even though its cold. I don’t get what girls like in aftershave. I had an ex who went barmy for ’Polo’, I could have sworn it was made from horse dung, but all i had to do was put the damn stuff on and she was putty. When she left me for a jockey, i wasnt surprised.

I love my girl though, and for her I would do almost anything, but I wondered if this was a major issue with women. I know that it can be cool to be stubbly. George Michael and Don Johnson in the eighties, Bruce Willis in the nineties, and now an increase in pop star goaties and celebrity small beards in the last 10 years suggests that facial hair is bigger than ever. Thats not to mention the hip shaggy styles from our friends in the mountains of afghanistan!

Having said that fashion makes big mistakes, like shoulder pads, blockerboots and leg warmers (apologies to all those that have recently bought leg warmers as they are apparently back in)

I saw a teenager the other day, who was struggling with her really high high-heals. She was crouching for balance, which made her arse stick out like a waddling duck. I just knew that later on she would jump into my cab, and take her shoes off in agony, I’d have to descretely open a window cos tights dont smell as good at the end of the night as they do at the start.

She wore a teeny tiny skirt and a huge puffer jacket and reminded me of the michelin man on stilts. No! She looked like one of those office toy flamingoes that swing back and forth until the beak dips into the water when it straightens up.

Her friend was wearing a muddy set of puffy boots, that looked a little like they did when they belonged to whichever animal made them. Im sure i got a pair of slippers that looked just like them a couple of years back. Mine had claws on the end though. Cool!

Blokes are no better though. Why do they bother to wear jeans at all. Just go out in your damn underpants, we can see your saggy arse anyway!

I’m just saying fashion has had its bad days. So I am asking the Question?

What is it you do or dont like about mens facial hair?

For me I have always liked the fact that i can scratch the back of my hand whilst driving, and they way my little girl rubs her tiny hands against it.

So comments please.